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I am a recovering student, finally free from the grasp of higher education

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Friday, January 9, 2009

Grief is so funny sometimes...

It sneeks up on you when you least expect it. Yesterday we were going to the cannery to get food storage and while I'm driving in my truck and deciding that nope, I'm just not hungry enough to eat my PB&J sandwich thoughts of my daughter came rushing into my head. On the way home it was the same thing. So here I am, leaving the cannery after having a great time, I have 10 boxes of cans in my car for my friend and I, feeling pretty good about getting prepared and suddenly the tears started rolling. At one point I was almost laughing on how the grief can just up on you like that. On the other hand my mind was racing on certain memories I have of the NICU and so I couldn't. I know I'll have more days, and that these moments are cleansing but it would be nice to have a bit more warning. Of course maybe not, I have had more days like this in the last few weeks then the whole month of Nov. I have a friend who's sister died last year I think about this time or around Dec 2 years ago and I had a hard time sympathizing with her months and months later when she'd still have darker days and now I'm starting to catch a small glimpse of those moments, you really can't control them and often you don't want to, it's nice to have a reminder of good days with family.

1 comment:

Southern Princess said...

So it snuck up and caught you... you must not have been quick enough! :) Oh Tracy, your memories though painful are so precious. If life sometimes makes them come at you without any warning then the tears & laughter are merely comforts. Brooklyn will forever be such a special child even before those wispy wings graced her back. Your love for her will grow & grow and with it grief will be its companion. I love you girl. Remember that you are right the tears & laughter cleanse you. I am glad that you are able to recognize the grief for its helpful qualities. I miss you! Be sweet!