It sneeks up on you when you least expect it. Yesterday we were going to the cannery to get food storage and while I'm driving in my truck and deciding that nope, I'm just not hungry enough to eat my PB&J sandwich thoughts of my daughter came rushing into my head. On the way home it was the same thing. So here I am, leaving the cannery after having a great time, I have 10 boxes of cans in my car for my friend and I, feeling pretty good about getting prepared and suddenly the tears started rolling. At one point I was almost laughing on how the grief can just up on you like that. On the other hand my mind was racing on certain memories I have of the NICU and so I couldn't. I know I'll have more days, and that these moments are cleansing but it would be nice to have a bit more warning. Of course maybe not, I have had more days like this in the last few weeks then the whole month of Nov. I have a friend who's sister died last year I think about this time or around Dec 2 years ago and I had a hard time sympathizing with her months and months later when she'd still have darker days and now I'm starting to catch a small glimpse of those moments, you really can't control them and often you don't want to, it's nice to have a reminder of good days with family.