I received a phone call from my friend last night telling me that Mark was killed in battle in Afghanistan. There is a really beautiful tribute to him on the Michael Andrew Photography blog on the left but I wanted to put a few of my own words down. I am by no means eloquent. But I have had a few memories bouncing around my mind. mark was the brother of one of the first people I met when I went to school at Alabama. Thad and I Hung out quite a bit my first year and had a friendship from then on. Mark came around a few years later and I spent many, many days at their place. They, along with Mike and Paul were the first guys to let me practice my cooking on them at least once a month. Some recipes were great...others not as much but they let me practice anyways. I remember hing grocery shopping for Mark and Thad because I couldn't believe the food they bought.
Mark and I spent a fair amount of time becoming friends and was my foot rub buddy, my friend to bounce ideas off of and the first person to show me that they carried a hand gun in their truck. I will admit, I was a bit nervous after that one! Mark was such a wonderful young man, very caring with a good sense of humor. He lower you to just be, be who you are, sit in comfort and didn't push. However, when you got him on a topic he was passionate about, well it was fun. He and Thad would get into "fake fights" as brothers do and the atmosphere around them was just fun.
Mark and I lost contact when I moved to Missouri for grad school and through the wonders of Facebook we reconnected. I was so proud of him when I learned he entered in the military. Willing to serve the country, help make it a better place, keep our freedoms, and set an amazing example for us all. He died in combat, fighting, taking out the enemy in the process. I am so proud to know him. To have shared a part of my life with his, not matter how small. I still can't believe he's gone. My heart breaks for his family but at the same time I hope they are so proud of what he has done. I am, I thank him, my family thanks him and I hope we all will give thanks for men like Mark. Many of you know others who have served, I do too, but this is the first one that I that I knew personally who lost his life fighting for what we get to enjoy in this country. Mark, you are loved and will be missed.
Well, we've done it. My awesome husband has taken care of me and we have made it to 32weeks!! It's a bit surreal, but we've done it. I can't wait to see my doc because on 2 weeks I'll have a change in my bed rest and hopefully be able to wander around some more. I am grateful for all of my friends who have helped out our family whether by watching Isabel, bring us dinners etc. Our family went outside tonight to enjoy the weather, I laid on the lounger, watched Isabel play, spoke with our neighbors, played with their dog and helped Mike study for his test tomorrow. now I'm just hoping for a quick week. I'm also excited for General Conference for my church this weekend and will be trying to Skype with my sister in Africa and my friend in Hong Kong. Should be a great weekend!
Here I am, another Sunday, at home, by myself. Bored. I have a couple of pictures I'll post below of our last ultrasound. Unfortunately they are not the best but it's what I have. I am trying to be patient with many of you... y'all really should update your blogs. I know, I know, you're busy off living your lives and working/kids/etc, but just think of me here...bored, lonely just waiting for a small glimpse of what goes on outside the walls of my home. No contact (ok, other than FB) with the outside world. Especially those who have recently been to the beach (*ahemcheyenneahem*) or those who regularly blog (*ahemjeniahem*) and those planning on moving (*ahemsaraahem*). And to everyone else.
Ok attempted guilt trip over. :) It's been pretty good here this week. We did go to the playground yesterday, me and my lounger laid and watched Mike and Izzy play. We met some friends up there and I got to see Kourtney and her boys. She's another one of the 10 ladies that have been pregnant in my ward since summer. Then came home to watch Alabama, or a team that once resembled Alabama play football. I was honestly worried but thankfully we pulled it out, somehow, but that's what makes a team champions. Somehow winning when odds are against you, pulling together to make it work. Now on to FL, I'll see my Doc a few days after the FL game, might have to find some Alabama stuff to wear if we pull that one off too....
Ok so here are some pics. One good one of her arm and a bit fuzzy one of her face. Enjoy!
So for those of you who haven't heard, which would be the couple that haven't seen facebook yet... I have an approx 3lb 7oz baby (in my belly still). Apparently when I posted it on FB some people were not sure if I meant I had delivered or not, so know she's still inside. I had that ultrasound yesterday and all looks great, then I went to the Doc today and he told me that I'm one of his best patients. Not as far as following rules, but in how I'm doing. When he marked my sheet for return I am officially off the high risk and in the moderate risk category! Granted that probably has more to do with me being 31 weeks along but still. I had to laugh while I was there today, I don't know how most doctors react when they see their handy work, but mine jokingly complements himself on a job well done on my cerclage every week and then today he came in and says..."your blood pressure looks great, your weight looks great, your urine looks great..." How often is that apart of normal conversation. So accoring to him, I have great looking urine and a great looking cervix. Aren't you glad you stopped by my blog today. :)
I also have progressed enough to where I don't need to go to the doctor for awhile. I'm not going to know what to do with myself next week when I have no where to be. I don't go back to the office for 2 weeks then an US at 34 weeks. Once I hit the 34 week mark I do weekly monitoring.
I scheduled the appointment for my return visit and it was so weird, I don't go back until October. OCTOBER! I can honestly say I did not think there was anyway I would still be pregnant in october, but here it is. Doc asked me today if I had any questions or if anything was bothering me... I said "yes...the thought of pushing out a 7-8lb baby, I might have to rethink this vaginal delivery."
So I spent most of the day yesterday cramping. I didn't know I was worried until I called Mike about 4:30 to see what time he was coming home and told him. Then I started to cry. How funny, now matter how many times I go thru this I still cry. Yes I realize I'm still super early and I think that's why. As much as I feel like I'll never stop being pregnant and I want this baby out because I know it will be fine.. it's still just a 31 weeker. (yea for 31!!!!) Doctors and nurses will always tell you to drink 32 oz of water to see if the cramping stops. They like most medical people realize just how important water is and how quickly your body revolts without enough. So 96 oz of water went in me yesterday, I still probably have most of it in me and my body is back to it's happy normal self.
So then the dreaming starts. Last night I dreamt I was cramping so I went to the hospital and found an empty room up on Antepartum (my 2nd home) and hooked myself up tot he TOCO machine (ya'll know the one... they put it on your belly to see your contractions on the print out) and I was there hanging out with Isabel. We were in this huge room that was more like a mini dance hall.....so I did what anyone whose dreaming would do, I tried to get up and casually dance, with out engaging my stomach muscles. You can probably guess how well that went. Needless to say my printout was all over the board and all I could think about was... man there goes my flat line record. Finally Isabel told me I should probably stop dancing. I don't remember much else other then a nurse coming in. It's pretty foggy after that.
So with little else to do besides watch Grey's and surf the internet, I have looked at just about EVERY diaper bag there is available (at least in a price range I'm willing to pay) and I've found a few but then I happened upon this site, it's one of my favorites, and I was thinking...if this baby comes early, I just might have to make it!
I have decided I really want a messenger bag after remembering what it was like with Isabel and a full bag plus it's just more my style. So I'm just thinking...
If the link doesn't work go to the Make it-Love it button on the left. It's the messenger bag tutorial.
I didn't realize I hadn't posted in 5 days. Granted my days don't change much but I had intended to be posting most everyday. Yesterday was a pretty good day. Mike made some amazing breakfast and then we went to the park. We took the lounger with us so I could lay down while Mike played hockey and Isabel ran between the playground and her dad playing in the hockey rink. It was a great morning. We came home and rested, watched the Alabama game, I rubbed Mike's feet (one side badly, I was falling asleep and I never finished... it's on my to do list today), My cute family family made cookies that were SO good. A wonderful lady the ward made us some yummy Mexican casserole. All in all a pretty good day. I did however realize at the end of the day that being on bed rest, (obviously) makes it hard for me to contribute, but I have got to find ways to be a better wife and companion for my husband. This whole situation places more stress and responsibility on him and most day I just take and take from him and don't give back. It's really sad. I don't mean by doing 'things', we all know I'm not supposed to but in showing him in the small and little ways that I do appreciate him and all he does for me. I married a man who works so hard and is so caring and I need to show him that I am so very grateful for all he does. I decided last night, after he came and put me to bed (yes I'm like a 4 year old who like to be tucked in if he's not coming to bed at the same time), that I need to pray and pray hard to be a better wife. A much better wife. So of course I won't magically wake up better but I know I'll be given more opportunities to show my love and appreciation for him.
30 weeks today!!!! I'm pretty happy about that one! I see my Doc tomorrow for my weekly follow up and get my injection. Only 5 more injections and 3 more ultrasounds. I still feel like I'm farther along but according my email.. baby is about the size of a cabbage and about 3 lbs, I mean really, I might have to push out a baby that weights over 2 lbs. :)
Time is passing. I actually can't believe that it's Sunday already. I'm almost at 30 weeks! It feels like I should be farther along since I've been on bed rest for about 6 weeks now. Don't look now but all my muscle is leaving my body. Funny thing about my family.. my cousin went in the hospital last week with pre-term labor.. or so they thought. Thankfully she is at 34 weeks and doing fine. She should be good for a few more weeks at least. Mike is leaving town this week and we just set up a slumber party for my and Isabel at a friends house. We were all worried about me being here by myself and trying to take care of me and Isabel, no one could stay with me so I'm going to a friends. I think I'll pack up the fresh veggies and fruit that might go bad this week and take with me to donate to the cause. I'm so grateful for friends who let us 'impose' on them whether with watching Izzy, making us dinner or letting us do slumber parties!
I found a new Sunday 'activity'. With the recommendation of friend I listened to BYU-radio. It was a nice change from the same CD's over and over and helped me to keep focused on my Sabboth day, which is hard when you haven't been able to attend church in 5 weeks. It also makes me feel more worthy to partake of the Sacrament when the Elders from our church come, when I've been able to keep the Spirit in my home and it's not like an after thought.
So everyone keeps asking Mike and I how, well how I am. I know sometimes it's hard to know what to say. Mainly because my days don't really change from one day to the next. I'm bored, (currently waiting for Season 6 of Grey's Anatomy to show up on Netflix on Tuesday), tired of laying here but knowing I don't have a choice if I want to bring my baby home from the hospital, I stay busy with crosswords, books and inet. So that's it. No one has to ask Mike over and over.. I'm good. The good thing about having a ward family is word travels fast so if I'm not doing fine, or I go into labor, everyone will find out within a day. :) If I can actually make it full-term, my friend was joking that we might actually have a full waiting room of people excited for me! That was a funny thought but in many ways, this baby is the 'ward baby', however that doesn't mean anyone will get to hold her for a bit. he he! :)
So my new obsession is Grey's Anatomy. Between the hospital and home I have watched the end of Season 3, all of Season 4 and I'm 4 episodes away from finishing Season 5. I do have a book I want to read but all these cute doctors are getting in the way. So today's last episode I watched was where Izzy was making Merideth try in wedding dresses and Bailey was holding on to a little girl who was dying of Tay Sachs disease. Needless to say, I have been crying. It's not so much about the little girl dying that got to me. What was hitting home was watching her scared Dad, not sure what to do, finally holding his daughter for her last few seconds of life. I remember watching Mike hold Brooklyn her last few moments, giving her a blessing and as they took her off all her machines and monitors, they handed her to Mike and she passed in her Daddy's arms. I still don't think that was the hardest part.
I feel for those who have also lost children, and hope and pray that none of my friends have to go through that experience. But what people don't tell you about death, what no one thinks about is what comes next. I don't mean the funeral, or how the family copes. I remember like it was yesterday, about two hours after Brooklyn left this life, we handed her back to the nurse then we stood up and left.
What they don't tell you is the emptiness, loneliness and out of body experience... walking out of that hospital knowing you're not coming back, knowing you're not taking that little angel home, knowing that despite all that has happened, you are making that long journey back home, alone. Having to walk back, with empty arms, its like you're moving in slow motion and everyone around you is on fast forward and you just want to shout at them that your life, a small piece of your life is over for now. But you don't, you hold on, you make that journey and you wait for the pain to come.
So here we are on (NO) Labor day and I have spent most of it watching Grey's Anatomy. My family left to go to the ward picnic then Mike took Izzy swimming, they both had such a wonderful time! Now we have just been hanging out and watching Enchanted. Isabel loves this movie. I hit 29 weeks tomorrow. I'm pretty excited, although it's a bit tough this week, Mike is working so much so on top of everyone helping my family....I have to find rides to the Dr's. Just one more way my family has to depend on others with this baby. I woke up this morning and realized I didn't comment on Saturday. Granted September 4th is not a day I like to remember, but I'm actually happy that I didn't think of it. September 4th was the 2 year anniversary of Brooklyn's passing. We decided as a family to remember her birth and not focus on her death. So I'm actually quite happy that the thought didn't cross my mind that day. I am so ready to get off this couch. I'm so tired of being a bump on a log and not helping my family. I know what's more important, I know it's all worth it, but I'm still tired of having to ask others for everything. I really just want to cook for my family, unload the dishwasher or even do laundry. Instead I get to fight off depression, boredom, and laziness. woo hoo.
This picture was taken by the public relations lady at the hospital, she's doing an article for the mom's on bed rest and interviewed me.
ROLL TIDE ROLL!!!!
I'm so excited that football season has started! Granted the first game is in PPV so I'll be taking my info from my phone, but nonetheless, I'm so happy to have some family time festivities taking place every Saturday. The weather has been beautiful the last few days, last night Mike took my pillow and a big towel out to the front lawn for me so I could lay there and still be part of the fun with sidewalk chalk. All of our neighbors were out and I finally was able to see them. It was so nice to be out in fresh air, with the breeze, even the mosquito bites were tolerable because I was enjoying myself so much. We may do the same thing this afternoon.
I go back to see my Doc on Tuesday. Hopefully he'll be running close to on time. He's usually an hour or so late, but now I know it's because he's usually on call Tuesdays so he's been down in L&D taking care of those patients. I'll get to ask him about wheelchair rides and specifics on my bed rest. Y'all know me and if I don't have specifics... well I find grey areas without really meaning too. Wednesday are my ultrasounds. We're still back to every week, two appointment, and I can't drive to either. At least the US won't take long. I'm usually in and out in 15 min.
My week has gone by pretty slowly, I'm hoping it picks up soon. My first week or two at the hospital was the same way so it could just be the change of scenery. I am much more relaxed and having much more fun at home. I have to say I have either taken 2 hr naps every day or (like last night) slept for 9 hrs.
My cousin Chelsea brought over a ton of DVD's last night of TV show seasons. I can get caught up on my DR smut with Grey's Anatomy, get addicted to Bones, which I've never watched and Arrested Development. On top of reading and finishing my cross-stitch. I'm so grateful that I have so much to do..even if I'm not really doing it yet.
I woke up this morning and went to lay on the couch, I checked my email and found out I won another giveaway!! This time from Cap Creations off the Make it and Love it blog you see on the left. I received a $40 gift certificate and just purchased this necklace. It will have all three of my girls' names on it but I can't show it to you since we're not telling this girls' name!
On a different note... my first day of bed rest went pretty well. I did get a nice nap in for 2 hrs today, which helped since I didn't sleep well last night. I guess I have officially hit the point where I get too hot since I'm pregnant and poor Mike will be freezing while I'm sweating. So tonight, poor Mike will have to pile on the blankets, I need to sleep at night. My nap was amazing. Isabel still went to another friends house and loved playing with their little 1 year old and came home and told me how cute she was and the fun she had. Apparently she also stole the 1 yr olds sippy cup. Sorry Amanda!
I will get back to reading tomorrow, books that is, I read 4 magazines today and I'm ready again for something that requires more then 45 min to read. :)