So my new obsession is Grey's Anatomy. Between the hospital and home I have watched the end of Season 3, all of Season 4 and I'm 4 episodes away from finishing Season 5. I do have a book I want to read but all these cute doctors are getting in the way. So today's last episode I watched was where Izzy was making Merideth try in wedding dresses and Bailey was holding on to a little girl who was dying of Tay Sachs disease. Needless to say, I have been crying. It's not so much about the little girl dying that got to me. What was hitting home was watching her scared Dad, not sure what to do, finally holding his daughter for her last few seconds of life. I remember watching Mike hold Brooklyn her last few moments, giving her a blessing and as they took her off all her machines and monitors, they handed her to Mike and she passed in her Daddy's arms. I still don't think that was the hardest part.
I feel for those who have also lost children, and hope and pray that none of my friends have to go through that experience. But what people don't tell you about death, what no one thinks about is what comes next. I don't mean the funeral, or how the family copes. I remember like it was yesterday, about two hours after Brooklyn left this life, we handed her back to the nurse then we stood up and left.
What they don't tell you is the emptiness, loneliness and out of body experience... walking out of that hospital knowing you're not coming back, knowing you're not taking that little angel home, knowing that despite all that has happened, you are making that long journey back home, alone. Having to walk back, with empty arms, its like you're moving in slow motion and everyone around you is on fast forward and you just want to shout at them that your life, a small piece of your life is over for now. But you don't, you hold on, you make that journey and you wait for the pain to come.
BOLD AND COZY IN LONDON
16 hours ago