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I am a recovering student, finally free from the grasp of higher education

Monday, September 29, 2008


Just a quick rant here... why the hell is the government bailout including millions of dollars on the executives 'severance pay'. They ran their company into the ground being money hungry and making idiotic loans and taking our economy with it in the process and we 'reward' them will millions of dollars of OUR tax money. I am so mad about this... so does this mean that if my business goes belly up and affects many people that the government will bail me out and give me 55 million to live off of. Where is the ownership of what they've done.. where is the accountability for the royal screwing they just handed to the economy. They don't deserve a bit of money for going bankrupt or at the very MOST give them $100,000 and see how they handle it, make them learn to get their feet back on the ground and make up for their mistakes!

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Night of many blessings

Ok, so many great things about today...
1. ROLL TIDE ROLL!!!!!!!!

2. Relief Society General Conference... so great, heard a few things that were told to me in blessings at the hospital so that was awesome. Maybe I shouldn't admit it, but I was just waiting and waiting for Elder Uchtdorf to get up and speak... He is totally one of my new favorite three speakers. Now, I have only been to this meeting one other time, I didn't have a testimony of going, so I never went... of course it's hard to get a testimony if you don't go so you see my problem. SO I showed up after having 3 people remind me this morning about it. And here's why, there was a dinner prior to the broadcast and IMMEDIATELY after walking in the door, they started feeding us.. so yes that's right I was first in line, in front of a hundred people because Heavnely Father wanted to bless me and help me have a testimony...

3. Izzy being totally cute during her daddy daughter date, as they were leaving Macy's at the mall Izzy said "daddy stop, I wanna look at some pants". Yep too much shopping lately.
To preface this story... please no worries about my husband...
Mike took Isabel to McDonalds because when Mike asked her what she wanted for dinner she said "cheeseburger please". So cute so of course Mike took her. A young lady was asking questions to Mike about Isabel, how old she was, saying how cute her curls are... Isabel started pushing her daddy away and said "No daddy I got mommy!".
Yes My child has my best interests at heart!

By the way ROLL TIDE ROLL!!!!!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008


The guests have all left, the house is all quiet.. minus Isabel... and life has started to begin again... We are starting to get back to life as normal around here. I've been scrapbooking more for a creative outlet, I've gotten not to shabby at it! My quilt is also coming along, I'll post pics when I'm done sewing the squares. I had these cute pics to post for my family of my daughter in the clothes they bought her... needless to say the camera had 4 pics in an unrecognizable format and those are probably them. But I do have pics of Courtney and myself at the airport.
Saturday was a busy day, Leslie left, 2 hrs after Courtney came. We went apple picking with some friends and ate yummy glazed pecans and walnuts with cinnamon (Niki they reminded me of the ones you sent me for Christmas 3 years ago). We watched some football, Courtney and I went down to mainstreet... wait I think I told ya'll that already!. Well Monday we went back, did some shopping and some talking and tried on a sold cashmere cape with fur trimming... WE LOVED IT!!! I wanted to buy it just because but since $1,000 is a bit much for an impulse buy right now. But it was fun!

Since everyone's left I have cleaned (yes I have!) I guess I should figure out how again after 3 weeks of having it done for me. Spent this morning filing... you know the fun stuff! I'm trying to get some pics of our family and our Brooklyn hung up on our picture wall, but I can't get my frames to hang right and look good together... but we finally received the black and whites from a non-profit that came and took pictures at the hospital for us. They turned our really well.
I'm off to do some Arbonne work and maybe actually get to the post office to mail some stuff out!

For all interested my MD appt is in 2 weeks and the high risk specialist hopefully the week after... Cheyenne might even get to go with me... because that's why she comes into town! Three weeks from THursday she'll be here!!!

Here are some pictures of me and Courtney... She has the one of my head totally sideways and if she's nice won't post it on hers!- I look a bit silly

Sunday, September 21, 2008

And the Last Shall be First

The weekend is already shaping up to be so much fun! Leslie unfortunately had to leave on Saturday, but we had blast going ot the zoo, walking around Main street playing with Izzy, etc, I miss her already and wish we lived closer. Courtney is here visiting me and is the last visitor we are having to end our three week stink and as such is starting my month without visitors (until Cheyenne gets here next month). Yesterday we went apple picking the Court and I went walking around Main street for the arts festival, and yes found jewelry, or course. It was so nice to be able to stroll along and talk and be able to get a handle on things, look into reasons behind why things happen, why I react like I do, why I communicate like I do.
Today, after church we are having some yummy food, after all why would I have Courtney come stay and NOT cook for me! She's making her yummy fried chicken, yep, be jealous! Tomorrow it's probably back to Main street for more shops and antiques.
I am so fortunate to have so many friends who have come and stayed, the fun and joy they've brought and the help they've been in reading stories to Isabel!
It's nice to have vacations right in your own area. Maybe one day I'll post pictures again from all my visitors... once my sister sends them to me!

As a side note, I was talking with Courtney tonight and going thru the box of stuff that contained all of Brooklyn's memoriabillia. Mike and Isabel came in the room. They had been watching a church movie and when Mike asked where Brooklyn was she pointed up to the sky and said "up there". So Mike wanted to repeat this whole cute scene but when they came in the room and Mike asked Isabel where Brooklyn was... she promptly pointed at the bed and said "in the box".
Needless to say.. we were rolling!!!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

More family

I just wanted everyone who has been following to know that my sister is now back from Africa and is staying with me for a couple of days. It's so nice to have her here to talk with and spend time with. I'm starting to understand the good days and bad.... yesterday was a good day until lunchtime when it turned really really bad for 2.5 hrs then it was good again... I'll tell you these stages of grief are crazy!

FYI many people have inquired about wanting to help out with hospital and memorial costs, we have set up a trust fund to assist with these. If you are interested in donations please email me at tracyyellup@yahoo.com or go to any US Bank branch and have them look it up there, they can pull it up under Pulley Family Trust. Please do not feel that this is a solicit for money, it's just info for those wanting to know more.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Gladys Knight

I don't know how many of you know that Gladys Knight-McDowell directs a choir called "The Saints Unified Voices". It's amazing, if they are traveling even remotely in your area you need to go see them. She came to St, Louis this past weekend and Mike and I saw her yesterday. What a fabulous experience. She travels with them and uses it as a testimony meeting to bring those not familiar with the church to a forum where they can learn, be edified, and feel the Spirit of the Lord in a very non-threatening manner. Now this is no Mormon church choir, for lack of a better comparison this is a southern baptist revival choir... with a bit more reverence. They use the music in praise the way most of congregations have never thought of... She totally poked fun at the mormon way of music (most of us can all agree that the tempo of our music leaves much to be desired) yet spoke of the difference in reference to the cultures that we are exposed to and if we get a little more 'soul' in our church, the music might just get better. Gladys joked about how most people probably were thinking... what an african american mormon! Apparently her Relief Society sisters practically dropped their jaws the first time she played a song for them... it was a bit more... exuberant then they were used too!
According to Sis McDowell, we looked like 31 flavors in the audience, some strawberry, a lot of vanilla and some chocolate! Stretching the comparison to explain how we need to stretch ourselves to include others in our box, if Heavenly Father can create all the colors in the oceans, mountains, and sky above, why would we put it past him or limit him to only one color of brothers and sisters on this earth. I thought it was a great point and she put it so plainly.

On another level, towards the beginning of the performance she sang her rendition of I am a Child of God, and yes... I cried. But after the void that I felt on Saturday... I truly felt like my soul had been comforted in a way that it had not previously. She was able to bring the music not only to my heart.. but in my soul and it was such a moment of healing. I felt nothing but joy at the end of her performance and testimony. The last song that was sung by the choir, at parting was the same one sung on 'The Other Side of Heaven" when he leaves the island... with the line, 'until we meet again'. That was my thought for my Brooklyn. God bless you and hold you tight until we meet again.
I really hope the choir and their inspired director know what an impact they have on those in whom they perform for.... I was truly blessed last night because of them. .

Saturday, September 13, 2008

We made it through

Friday was a wonderful day. We were able to celebrate Brooklyn's life in a memorial service held at our church. The messages conveyed were beautiful and the song that was written for Brooklyn by a friend of ours was sung and absolutely amazing. We are so blessed to have so many people come and support us during this time and many more that wanted to come but were unable due to various reasons. After the memorial we headed to the cemetary and had her laid to rest in the Garden of Little Angels, it is a infant section just outside the main building. Isabel was adorable and waved saying "bye bye Bwookwn, see you later Bwookwn". It was a beautiful end to her short life.
I thought this would be easier after Friday, I thought I could handle it and be ok with it. I think in many ways now it's harder. I was holding on because I knew I had to get thru this week, finish plans, orgainizing, get ready for our company etc. Now we are left with our thoughts and memories and nothing to really keep us from dwelling on it.
I put Brooklyn's stuff that she had accumulated from the hospital, pictures, blood pressure cuffs, info from the hospital on grief, blankets I held her in, and cards we've received in a box tonight so it would all be together when it came time to scrapbook it. It was tough to think that the sum of my child's (earthly) life was in a box, with no more to be added to it.
I am a little nervous to be at church tomorrow, not because of church itself, I'm ready and need to feel the Spirit and feel Heavenly Father's love for my family, but I am so tired of crying. I did read in some literature the hospital sent, a lady was quoted as saying that she found herself crying all the time everywhere she went and she'd try and fight back against the tears. FInally she realized that when the time comes, the tears will stop.... so I guess it's another lesson in patience.
I do miss my daughter and the future I was planning with her. This still sucks, but eventually it will get better, I do believe that... And I'm so happy to have the stress of the last two weeks gone, now I can focus on getting my family and myself through this time and remember that it's not all sad... at least not for her and I need to remember that when it gets hard for me.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Funny story

I've decided my blog needs a funny story so here goes. This past Friday I went in to my room to pump... yep I was totally engorged and needed minor relief so I was pumping. Now Isabel loved to come in and ask me "momma pump?" Then she always wanted to hold the pumps... this of course would bring a smile to my face, well apparently after a week of watching this she felt left out so she climb on the bed asks me if I'm pumping, I say yes and she lifts up her shirt and says "momma pump me.. pump me momma!"

www.baue.com for funeral info

Monday, September 8, 2008

Memorial Services

For all who would like to attend, My daughter's services will be held at the St Charles ward building at 11 am on Friday the 12th. Feel free to wear bright colors as Brooklyn was the sunshine in our lives!

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Continuing on

These past few days have been ok, surprisingly. We've gotten thru, had breakdowns and breakthroughs. I will tell you that having to plan your own child's funeral, it sucks. We meet tomorrow with the funeral director to get things set up.

These last couple of days have been great for testing and increasing our testimonies. The love of friends and family have aided us much but, well I'm not sure what to say... I find comfort in my Savior and His atonement, faith in my Heavenly Father's plan, and the desire, or rather the panic, to live my life worthy to be where she is some day.

Thanks to all of you who have supported us thru thought/prayers/ and well wishes.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Brooklyn Rose Pulley

Brooklyn Rose
Born Aug 24th 4:57 pm
Passed Sept 4th 7:30 am

Brooklyn is in a much better place now and she will be preparing for us, when we will have our chance to raise her in a perfect world.
Thank you for all your prayers on behalf of our family.

Hello all, this is Mike...

At 3:30 am we received a call from Brooklyn's Doctor encouraging us to come in. Shortly after we arrived she decided to put in one last fight, two hours later her heart rate began to drop. We waited for my father to get there, and when he did we laid our hands upon her head to give her a name and a blessing. Through her blessing I realized how significant the plan of salvation is in each of our lives. We were blessed to have such a little and yet great piece of love given to us by our Father In Heaven. As we sealed the blessing upon her, her little heart beat its last beat, she went home to our Father In Heaven. We do not understand what the Lord's plan is, but we know that he loves us, he sends us little and big reminders each and every day, he gives us friends who offer up prayers on our behalf , he gave us our Savior Jesus Christ, who laid up his life for his friends, and gave the ultimate sacrifice so that we may return to our Father In Heaven's presence. We are grateful to be sealed as a family that will last through the eternities and we are grateful for such great friends who are so diligent at making our burdens light. Thank you all so much, may the Lord bless you.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Sorry for the delay

Hello everyone, I didn't realize that it had been so long since I have posted. We've been pretty busy around here. Thanks goodness for my mom staying with us to keep us all sane and Mike's clothes ironed.... I might be more sad then I am to see her go... he'll never have his clothes and nicely pressed as they are now!
Brooklyn is still trying to hang on. She's fighting a lot of crap in her system and her lil' body is struggling to stay a head of it all. She's got 2 huge infections, lungs that are tired, a heart the still isn't working probably and she's still recovering from surgery. At some point it will all work out... it has to. I just wish I knew which way that would be. Thankfully Mike and I still feel calm about it all. Isabel colored some pictures for her sister today and she was so excited to have them taped up to Brooklyn's bed at the hospital. She told Bwookwn to get better and come home. Yes it was totally cute.
So unfortunately the only good news is that her brain is totally untouched as far as they can tell. OH that and she's peeing. Other then that she's been getting worse before she is getting better and she's really sick. But she's still fighting. For those that have called and I haven't called back. I probably won't until my mom leaves this Friday. So don't feel bad, it's not personal but it' my momma!