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I am a recovering student, finally free from the grasp of higher education

Saturday, September 13, 2008

We made it through

Friday was a wonderful day. We were able to celebrate Brooklyn's life in a memorial service held at our church. The messages conveyed were beautiful and the song that was written for Brooklyn by a friend of ours was sung and absolutely amazing. We are so blessed to have so many people come and support us during this time and many more that wanted to come but were unable due to various reasons. After the memorial we headed to the cemetary and had her laid to rest in the Garden of Little Angels, it is a infant section just outside the main building. Isabel was adorable and waved saying "bye bye Bwookwn, see you later Bwookwn". It was a beautiful end to her short life.
I thought this would be easier after Friday, I thought I could handle it and be ok with it. I think in many ways now it's harder. I was holding on because I knew I had to get thru this week, finish plans, orgainizing, get ready for our company etc. Now we are left with our thoughts and memories and nothing to really keep us from dwelling on it.
I put Brooklyn's stuff that she had accumulated from the hospital, pictures, blood pressure cuffs, info from the hospital on grief, blankets I held her in, and cards we've received in a box tonight so it would all be together when it came time to scrapbook it. It was tough to think that the sum of my child's (earthly) life was in a box, with no more to be added to it.
I am a little nervous to be at church tomorrow, not because of church itself, I'm ready and need to feel the Spirit and feel Heavenly Father's love for my family, but I am so tired of crying. I did read in some literature the hospital sent, a lady was quoted as saying that she found herself crying all the time everywhere she went and she'd try and fight back against the tears. FInally she realized that when the time comes, the tears will stop.... so I guess it's another lesson in patience.
I do miss my daughter and the future I was planning with her. This still sucks, but eventually it will get better, I do believe that... And I'm so happy to have the stress of the last two weeks gone, now I can focus on getting my family and myself through this time and remember that it's not all sad... at least not for her and I need to remember that when it gets hard for me.


Thanaglim said...

I know things will get better. One thing I learned and learned the hard way...don't hold it in.

I hope the days grow brighter for you and your family soon.

Tara L. said...

I am so sorry you are having to go through this trial. I wish there was something I could say or do to help you. A friend of mine lost her 1 year old in a drowning accident this summer. Her blog has helped me a lot and I haven't lost a child. If you are interested in reading it, the site is adailyscoop.blogspot.com/2008/06/pray-for-camille.html
You are in my prayers. Love you, Tara

E said...

Tracy lets do something this week! I hope I see you at church tomorrow... :-) PS- Sorry again about my blubbering!

Amy said...

What a beautiful service! "Be Still My Soul" is hands-down my favorite hymn. Now it will always bring thoughts of a beautiful baby girl...thanks.

Tracy said...

McLees(I know I need to come up with another name), my thoughts are constantly with you and your family during this time. I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better but if you need a listening ear then mine is here waiting. We love you guys. Alders

. said...

Hey girl,
How bad do I want to give you a hug, how come I'm not rich and can't just fly out to see whenever I want to? :) Experiencing this with you through your blog has made me feel close to you once again after not seeing you for 11 years (yes of course I remember, your baptism day was one of the greateset days of my mission). I love ya girl, and I'm so glad that you have the gospel to get you through this. Brooklyn must be one special spirit to have only needed to be here for that short of a time, but I can't imagine how much you must miss her. Hang in there!
Thanks for all your sweet comments on my blog, they make my day(s).


Southern Princess said...

Hey gorgeous! I could not get you off my mind. I cannot wait to see you! I love you!!!

Aubrey & Cheyenne Martin said...

Love you!

The Archibald Family said...

Just wanted to say that I love you.

Caroline said...

Wow! It is so hard to be here in Tuscaloosa and not be closer to show our support.
I'm glad the service went well. I know it was beautiful. there is something so special about music that I just love!
Stay strong girl!