Yesterday was awful. Lately I've had a really hard time with Sunday's. Most people ask me if it's because of my daughter but honestly I'm not consciously thinking about her every time. Part of it is that we have 12:30 church and I get a bit bored waiting for it to start... but then unconsciously, who knows. Fast Sunday's are usually emotional still and we had this nice lady in our ward bearing testimony of her granddaughter who was born prematurely, her daughter called and wanted her to pray immediately, long story short , her granddaughter was fine. I love stories like this for those involved, it's similar to Isablel's story but is it wrong of me to not want to hear them?
A friend of mine who just went thru a tough time also reminded me that between being hormonal, stress and the unconscious thoughts of our minds I could just be screwed up. And that's ok, for now.
The quilt I finished was also what I put all my energy into the first 2 weeks after She passed and now it's done. I don't know what to do now. The only other project is Isabel's room and it should be done in a day or so, then what? It was so easy to get thru the first month or so because I had stuff to keep me busy whether friends or projects. I still have friends but since I can't call them to drop their lives every day, it's just projects, and I'm out.
I hate that the emptiness in my heart is feeling so incredibly huge right now but since I'm only 5 weeks out from her due date and it's holiday time I guess it's normal. But I can't wait for this to pass.