So my new obsession is Grey's Anatomy. Between the hospital and home I have watched the end of Season 3, all of Season 4 and I'm 4 episodes away from finishing Season 5. I do have a book I want to read but all these cute doctors are getting in the way. So today's last episode I watched was where Izzy was making Merideth try in wedding dresses and Bailey was holding on to a little girl who was dying of Tay Sachs disease. Needless to say, I have been crying. It's not so much about the little girl dying that got to me. What was hitting home was watching her scared Dad, not sure what to do, finally holding his daughter for her last few seconds of life. I remember watching Mike hold Brooklyn her last few moments, giving her a blessing and as they took her off all her machines and monitors, they handed her to Mike and she passed in her Daddy's arms. I still don't think that was the hardest part.
I feel for those who have also lost children, and hope and pray that none of my friends have to go through that experience. But what people don't tell you about death, what no one thinks about is what comes next. I don't mean the funeral, or how the family copes. I remember like it was yesterday, about two hours after Brooklyn left this life, we handed her back to the nurse then we stood up and left.
What they don't tell you is the emptiness, loneliness and out of body experience... walking out of that hospital knowing you're not coming back, knowing you're not taking that little angel home, knowing that despite all that has happened, you are making that long journey back home, alone. Having to walk back, with empty arms, its like you're moving in slow motion and everyone around you is on fast forward and you just want to shout at them that your life, a small piece of your life is over for now. But you don't, you hold on, you make that journey and you wait for the pain to come.
Healthy Pumpkin Pie
3 days ago
4 comments:
And boy does it come....and come....and come....
Hang in there, Tracy. It doesn't change the past, but I think you and are in for some good things ahead.
that was supposed to be "you and I are in for some good things ahead." I'm not about to leave myself out of THAT! :)
Nicely put Crystal....good things, lots of good things.
Good evening beautiful...that was poignant, emotional, honest and a glorious tribute to Brooklyn even if you did not mean for it to be. She was so tiny, so precious and so perfect...that emptiness is from knowing perfection and having to let it go...knowing that your heart can hold love for one more and that one more cannot be with you for more than a moment...knowing that blessings come in the oddest ways and that life reminds us each day that though it is a wonderful journey sometimes the next stage is exciting too - knowing you will see her again someday...
I love you Tracy. I say it a lot and I mean it. Strength is not defined by the fact that you were able to step out of that hospital after watching her meet her Heavenly Father it is in the fact that your heart knows she is now with him and that you will carry on, working towards the day you will see her again. ;o)
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